Time ticks away these last few moments.

Well, today is my birthday and to be quite honest i feel really old. Although im only 24, it feels like my life is half over already. I had a dream last night of me being somewhere in my 70's. It was pretty scary considering i really don't want to live past 60. Can you imagine being that old? At that point in your life thats when you start to need help with such simple tasks. I would like to just die before i get to that age. Anyways i feel pretty depressed these days, i have nothing to live for it seems. Im not going to college anymore and still not getting my music degree. It hurts like nothing you have ever known before. I still play my guitar but not like i used to. Im not so attached like i was. I still make music i still love music, but i just feel like if i continue doing this; its like encouraging the dieing. I HATE IT! Soon enough i will become what others before me have become. Not much. I will probably get some regular job. Live an average to less than average life. Which it seems like i have already accepted it. I have admitted defeat. I always felt like i was something more, but reality hits fast and hard. Reality is one of those unbiased, unforgiving things that you wish you never knew.

You know the one thing that i am proud of this year is quit smoking. I dont want to tell my family or friends in the event that i should relapse. haha. Its been 6 weeks since ive had a cigarette and i feel fine, but there are those days that i have cravings like a pregnant woman wants some food. But i do control it. Horray me.